My BMI used to be... : 23.0
My BMI is now: 21.6

that's good

ok. i did it.
i had the cheese sandwich. and it was yucky. i forgot that the cheese is processed cheese. um. not yummy. then i ate a small piece of cake, and that *was* yummy, and even though i feel guilty, i'm squashing it. if i let myself realise how bad it is, i'll need to throw up and there's nowhere i can at the moment. anyway. enough of that and my feeling guilty. it's 8:15am in the world of Elezabeth. wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeup

ahh.... if she only would...

and what more do I want? I'll tell you what I want. Pancakes! and donuts!!! mmm I love those .. and custard... and chocolate cake.. but pancakes most of all. and drop scones. but definitely pancakes. I adore those. My favourite food. shit all I can think about is food. what's wrong with me on weekends? I always seem to go food-crazy... on school college days, it's easy, cos I just get up, don't eat, get past fifth period - lunch - don't eat, or have an apple - get home at 6pm, don't eat til 8 and if I can swindle it, at all. Mostly I do eat though. By that time I'm reeeally hungry. ungweee as I like to say. ha.
take today for example. it's saturday, so I ate cereal, even though my mother was leaving to go shopping, I still continued eating even though no one was there to watch me.
what's wrong with me?!!!! I'm abnormal! no one eats breakfast! most people eat lunch, but not breakfast. i'm like the all-eating huge fat-ass fat-thigh fat-everything junk machine. my ass has asses. it's disgusting. wibble
wobble
jelly on ann

well I lost another pound. and right now i really want a cheese toastie. mmm. it's killing me. the only thing that's stopping me from getting it is sitting here in my room typing how much i want one. I've had this craving for a week now. if my mother hadn't bought those cheese low-fat slices which I love, I'd be much better. I really would be. I'd have held onto my resolve... I ate an apple and three slices of cheese pizza yesterday...
I can't believe I'm 138!!! do I want to blow that with a measly cheese sarnie? NO! Am I strong? YES! .... so what can I do for the next three-to-four hours before Elezabeth comes online... I have no idea.. :( in four hours I'll be eating dinner anyway... and my dinner's going to be 287 calories and if I'm lucky, i can just throw it in the bin anyway... god.... this is torture... i want that cheese sandwich... i'm gonna have to eat it...
no.. i'll feel so repulsive and fat after. it's just not worth it. really is it? the self-hatred was here before the cheese sandwich was even invented. :p ok so I guess I'm going a little crazeeeee....

Sorry I haven't been posting.. been feeling a little down lately, and sleeping all the time. I sense an ear-infection coming on..
but enough of that. I'm not quite sure what number the day is, but I do know this for sure:
I've made it past the wall....
Here's me looking at 139 pounds. I wanted a 135, but still, to make it past a wall is pretty impressive. The only thing is, my family have become obsessive about weighing me in. Luckily by the time they did tonight, I'd just had several hot drinks and so, my stomach full of liquid, I weighed a nice 140 pounds. They say the reason for my being headachy is cos I don't eat. Yeah right. I have 400 calories a day, and this week, I've had 500-600 calories!!!! How is that not eating??

A toast: to 139. Yeah baby. Short-term goal: 127. 12 pounds to go, baby :)

Well hello. I haven't posted for a while because i've been staying at friends houses. And actually. my mother has done something awful. she was watching a programme on anorexia on a chat show and they had a real-live anorexic (ha ha, shock horror, the world has enough) and this kid was also bulimic ; and she's saying she throws out her sandwiches and she has to throw up after every meal. tough shit since I was getting up just to do the same, and my mum, she swivels round in her chair
and she locks her eyes on me
and she says
"YOU SIT RIGHT BACK DOWN." and I sit. petrified. and she walks over. she asks me if I liked the sandwiches my father made me for my dinner. and I say 'yes', full of dread now. and she cocks her head to one side and says 'but you hate pepper' and I scramble around to think of a lie other than the truth - that the sandwiches did indeed go in the bin, thanks anorexic girl on telly - and she stares at me. I grin weakly. 'I couldn't taste the pepper, but now that you mention it.. i thought I could taste it... quite strong, really..'
and guess who didn't put any pepper in the sandwiches.
how cryptic, leave me alone, leave me alone. I've put on a few pounds these past few days, I can feel it. now that my mother's on to me, I need to work extra hard. let's look out for tomorrow. I'll weigh myself and then the War will begin. I won't lose.
NO WAY.